period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
