Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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