I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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