if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
