There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
