please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
