My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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