The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
