Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
