pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
