if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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