I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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