I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
