Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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