well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
