well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
