My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
