omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
