and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
