I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
