Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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