someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
