You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
