Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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