my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
