i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
