You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
