"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
