i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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