so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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