So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
