this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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