I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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