You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
