You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
