There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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