Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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