clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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