I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
