I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
