This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
