Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
