He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
