at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
