She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
