You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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