I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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