Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
