Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
