i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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